PARALYSIS ANALYSIS

It was a very erie morning. The weather was cold and damp and every part of me wanted to stay in bed forever. Binx, my black cat was cuddled up in my arms as I began to fall back asleep. Work began at 11, so I had roughly three hours to do exactly nothing.

img_1090As I fell into a deep sleep, I began to become numb to the thought of waking up once more. Time went on and I fell back asleep. All of a sudden, an unexpected noise came from the other side of my room. My initial thought was that Binx had jumped off of the bed, but to my surprise, he was still lying next to me. I was a bit confused about what it could have been, but I paid no mind to whatever it was. Maybe it was just my roommate in the hallway. Then, I realized my roommate wasn’t in town at the time. Surely enough, the fear began rushing into my mind and I needed to look and see what it was.

I turned my head towards the door, but nothing was there. Was I just overreacting? I turned back towards Binx and abruptly felt movement at the edge of my bed. It wasn’t him, nor was it me, so what was it? It felt like somebody was sitting on the bed and standing back up in a repetitive style. After the up and down continued to happen, I turned around to face whatever it was. Suddenly, I was lost for words.

This freezing rush of terror pushed me down against the bed, leaving me fearful for my life. My eyes focused down towards my feet; my hands were glued to my hips; my body was like a corpse being buried alive. What was I supposed to do? My first thought was to scream, but the sound was not coming out. The wind over me felt like it was lasting a lifetime. Binx was still lying next to me, but was no longer sleeping. His eyes pierced through mine as if he was scared as well. When will this stop? Is it ever going to stop?

As I was laying there, terrified, I managed to scream my roommates name. Over and over again, I yelled. I knew she wasn’t here, but maybe someone, somewhere, would hear me. This started to become a morning of endless darkness. Why wasn’t it stopping? I couldn’t close my eyes; my breathes were becoming weaker; my anxiety was becoming uncontrollable. Whatever was happening needed to end. I clenched every part of me with anger and let out the biggest scream of my life. It was so aggressive, I could feel my throat burn.

Finally, i could feel my body return. My head moved first and then my whole self flew up and off of the bed. What just happened? Was it over? I reached for my phone and dialed my father. He seemed a bit confused when I told him what had happened, but he did his best to keep me calm. Immediately after the phone call, I texted my sister every terrifying detail about the occurrence. She called and we talked through the entire situation. I didn’t want to stay in this house; especially alone. I decided to run!

I got a bit emotional trying to gather my work clothes and other necessities for that morning. Was I supposed to leave Binx there by himself? I had no where else to take him. He had to stay, but I worried that something, whatever it was, was going to hurt my baby. I continued to pack my belongings and ran out to my car. Looking at my house at that exact moment sent shivers down my spine. It didn’t look the same to me. Was this real? Was it all in my head?

As I approached my parents home, I let out a sigh of relief. The fear was half gone and I could sort of relax. I had an hour before I had to start work so I headed inside to shower and get ready. Although I was no longer at my home, I could still sense the darkness crawling on my skin. “What the hell happened today,” I kept asking myself. I couldn’t figure out why it happened to me. As I showered, I felt the stress sort of drain away. It was over. I was so hopeful that it would never happen again, so I tried to put it behind me. It was time for work.

I walked in to my job and right away my co-workers could sense something was off. Friends came up to me, asking what was wrong. They told me that I looked like I hadn’t slept and that something was bothering me. Was it that obvious? All of the fear that I was trying to forget was coming back into play. I told the story to multiple individuals at work and at least half of them believed that I was going crazy. Others thought that there was a possibility that it was real. It felt real… but was it?

Later that evening, I gathered my work belongings and headed home. I was calm by that time, until I approached my house. It still gave me the chills just looking at it. As I walked in, Binx came running down the stairs. I quickly turned every light on inside and checked every room to see if there were any hidden intruders in my home. Yes, I am a little dramatic, but I had to do it to calm my nerves. No one was there.

Once the night came to an end and I finished getting ready for bed, I turned my television on, and smothered myself with blankets. My bedroom scared me more than ever now. Binx, as always made himself comfortable next to me, and soon enough, we both passed out.

ONE YEAR LATER…

As I began writing this story down in words, the feeling I had that day sort of came back to me. I was not terrified, but I was a little cautious. Something felt off again. It’s been a while since I was alone in my home since that moment in my life, but recently, home alone I was. I was in a deep sleep, when all of a sudden I felt a movement at the edge of my bed. I didn’t think twice before looking at what it could have been. The split second I decided to stare at the edge of my bed, a cold rush of air pressured me down once more. This time, the aggression of the gravity was stronger. There was no getting out of this.

img_1088_facetune_07-08-2018-21-51-10Surprisingly, I could talk. I screamed a multiple amount of words at the top of my lungs; things such as “JESUS,” ” HELP ME, ” and more. It still wouldn’t stop. It felt like, for some reason, this was gonna last forever. It did indeed last longer than anything I could have expected. I could feel my heart racing. Was this one going to end? I truly believe that I was more afraid this time, rather than the last. My screams projected and I could hear the vivid echoes throughout the house. By the end, I had given up. For some reason, giving up was the off switch to the gravitational pull. But, as soon as it stopped, I started dreaming. I knew I was dreaming when I saw friends I have not seen in years. What did that mean for the paralysis?

I keep going back and forth on whether the sleep paralysis was a dream, just like the dream I had after. Was it a dream? Was this all just a misconception caused by anxiety and stress!? I had no idea. I don’t think I will ever really know for sure. If one thing is for sure, I know the black faded hand prints all over my ceiling was not from me.

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